Jb Knows

A Teen Writer’s Trip to the Top

5 Ways to Fail December 9, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — samke23 @ 11:11 pm
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1. Simply do not do the assignment. This means you have all the time you want to go hang out with friends, play video games, or sit there staring into space.

2. When forced to do an essay, there are many ways to fail. Start with using a multicolored, large, hard to read font to confuse the reader. Make sure to use wide margins and whatever you do, don’t hit spell check.

3. Get most questions wrong on a test. This can be difficult for multiple-choice. For fill-in-the-blank questions, put the most ridiculous answer you can think of. An example would be writing Ronald McDonald as the sixteenth president of the United States.

4. Instead of catching up with current events, make up your own news stories.

5. Get involved in multiple extracurricular activities that take up you time. Organize you priorities so that you cannot start your math homework until you are the most valuable player on your team.


Teacher Falls Off Grading Curve

Extra credit was awarded to Will Goodman yesterday after he solved the recent disappearance of his biology teacher. Ms. Mendel, who had been missing since last Thursday, was found at the bottom of Grading Curve. “I don’t have much of a social life,” said Goodman to reporters, “so, naturally, I was at Grading Curve.”

Grading Curve is the local hot spot for teacher’s pets and the like. It contains a diverse range of specimens for study, along with a clear view of the night sky for astronomical calculations. Ironically, it is located on the opposite side of town as ‘Romance Road’, the local make-out site. Ms. Mendel is in fine condition.

When asked how she made it five days alone in the wildernes, docters reponded, “It is survival of the fittest out there. I guess she just had what it takes to compete.”