Jb Knows

A Teen Writer’s Trip to the Top

(Psycho)analysis December 21, 2008

How can you tell if you are crazy? You said that you know that you are crazy when I asked you. And if we are so much alike doesn’t that make me crazy too? I would assume that it does. Are you sure you are crazy, or were you just joking around?

If I’m crazy and you’re crazy..

I’m not the only one.

If you’re only crazy…

I will be soon.

If I’m only crazy…

What does that make you?You’re certainly not sane. Is there some sort of midway point that we both stand on? If we are normal, then normal is a pretty broad label. Or everyone is crazy.

If everyone was crazy, we are still crazier then most.

I think before I was just pretending to be crazy and now it has manifested into reality, but how can it do that, who is to blame? Can’t blame myself, the blame certainly does not fall on me because I couldn’t handle that, it must be the media, my environment, some chemical imbalance in my brain that I have absolutely no control over, so it can’t be my fault can it?

But of course! It’s all my fault! It’s always my fault, I am always to blame. That’s why we were late to Debate and why we lost the second game in Quiz Bowl and why you are always in a bad mood lately and you pray, you pray to no god because you have no proof that He is there. God is a disease. He infects the weak in every generation. I can’t be that weak if I’m agnostic, right?

Can’t have an emotional breakdown if you haven’t built your emotions back up yet. Can’t have an emotional breakdown if you have no emotions. Do I have emotions? Or do I just have thoughts? Thoughts that ramble, rambleramblerambleramble and have no point at all except to ask…

Am I crazy?

 

First Thing in the Morning December 9, 2008

Filed under: Unfinished Work — samke23 @ 11:39 pm
Tags: , , , , , ,

Yeah, it’s called a stress relief ball. Not such a good thing to start playing catch with, as you may have noticed. It’s for relieving stress, which I certainly have lots of. These are the many stresses I face when I walk into the room…

These books are heavy, should I put them down? Will anyone  get mad at me if I put them on this table here, does anybody need to use it? I’ll put it on this kids desk. No, I will not move my stuff, you’re not even using it right now. What do you mean ‘what am I doing here’? I live here. I want to be here, unlike some people.

Matt, this is not your room. It’s more my room then it is yours, so why don’t you just get out? Sorry for fighting with your students. Yes, I know violence doesn’t solve anything. But it can be so much fun.

Charlie, get out, and enough with the eyebrow raising. Charlie is not your student, and he is not a friend, so I have permission to control when he comes and goes. Leave, and take Nicky with you. You’re taking up my attention. I’ll warn them both not to hang out with Brett, but they won’t listen.

Who’s Brett? None of your business Chris, just shut up for once. You and Adam can leave too. I don’t particularly like any of you. I’m not here to listen to you guys complain and gossip and say stupid stuff I don’t care about.

You guys are luck you are friends with him or I would personally through you out. Can’t wait until you graduate, this June. Hey there, how are you doing today? Fine, thanks, how about you? Oops, I just asked you that. I’ll go crawl into a hole and die. I am NOT overreacting and I am NOT dramatic.

Okay, maybe just a little bit. Major mood swing. Try not to cry, do not shed a tear over this. Besides, it will ruin you mascara. You do not accidentally poke yourself in the eye every morning to have it ruined. Organize the papers on the counter to preoccupy yourself.

Sex? Do I want to talk about sex? It’s too early in the morning to be having this conversation. You got a full nights sleep? Well good for you, I have been up since four, worried about how horrible a person I am. I’m not looking you in the eye if we are having this discussion. (Not that I would anyways.)

I’ll turn around, blushing, pretending to roll my eyes so that I don’t have to look at yours. Wonder what color eyes you have. I think they’re blue or brown. Or green. I have no idea. I am not staring. What is there to stare at?

You? Please don’t flatter yourself. Yes, I can tell that is what you’re thinking just by looking at you. I can read you like a book. Mind reader. Leave, why would I leave? Oh, right, I have to go to class. I’m not going to be late, I made it yesterday.

I am not lying, I never lie to you. Except, wait, that was a lie. I do lie to you, but then I feel really, really, really bad about it. Go to class. Right, I’ll go learn something. Fun, fun. Big smile. Be careful out there. You know what I’m talking about.

There’s a lot of weirdos.